A Troubled Heart and the Grace of God

Truth be told, I have had a troubled heart since I was born. Although I wasn’t informed of it until more than 25 years ago, my aortic valve was what is referred to as “bicuspid.” In other words, it lacked one “leaf” of a normal valve. It showed up as a murmur in my mid-40’s, and I was warned that one day my valve would have to be replaced.

That day came in May of 2017 when my faulty valve was replaced with a mechanical one. During the initial consult with the surgeon who did the replacement surgery, he informed my wife and I that I could have easily dropped dead from overexertion because my valve opening was the diameter of a pencil. Normal is the diameter of a garden hose!

God’s grace was apparent as I thought back to a solo hike I took six months earlier up Grandfather Mountain outside of Boone, NC, an arduous hike for even those in decent shape, and to my three-day-a-week workouts. His grace was also evident in locating the surgeon to do the replacement. My local cardiologist recommended a nearby hospital, but I wanted someone who did this surgery routinely. I did my own research and found a doctor at Duke who was very experienced. I was able to get an appointment within a couple of weeks of calling and the surgery a week after that. After the successful surgery, the doctor confirmed how bad the valve was, and I thanked the Lord for His protection.

After a successful rehab, I returned to my normal lifestyle, thinking my troubled heart was fixed. Until August 2024. I was doing my normal workout at the gym when I noticed my heart rate was much higher than normal. Returning home, I checked it again and it was all over the place—way up and then way down. My niece, a cardiac nurse practitioner, recommended a visit to my cardiologist. And this began a long, uncertain journey that continues to this day. And yet the Lord’s grace has remained throughout.

Since that fateful day, I have had my heart shocked back into rhythm five separate times and have had three cardiac ablations. I have racked up several hundred thousand dollars in medical bills and have paid almost nothing due to the fact I have Medicare insurance. If this would have all happened before I turned 65, we would likely have been in debt the rest of our lives. But the Lord provided.

When the first ablation failed to halt the arrythmia, my cardiologist suspected something else might be going on. An MRI of my heart revealed the likelihood I had cardiac amyloidosis, which over time thickens the heart muscle and eventually the heart is unable to function. Doctors at Mayo Clinic confirmed this diagnosis, after I reached out to them requesting a second opinion. They also said it had been caught early and was treatable, but not curable. Again, the Lord’s grace was evident in finding out Mayo had a specialized clinic for amyloid patients and when I was able to get an appointment within six weeks. We were shown further grace by having a free place to stay and transportation during our two separate stays in Rochester, MN. And, of course, the amyloidosis was caught early before it had done significant damage.

All seemed well until early this fall when an ECG showed I was back in arrhythmia. My heart was shocked once more, but three weeks later, I awoke with my heart racing. This time I was hospitalized and a third ablation performed. The Lord’s grace again was evident. I felt fine (as with all the other episodes) despite the elevated heartrate. While waiting five days for the ablation (in-patients have priority in scheduling, so we were advised to stay), I wore regular clothes as opposed to those detestable hospital gowns, walked nearly 8,000 steps a day on the 6th floor, and had a multitude of friends visiting, some bringing delicious meals and treats.

Each step along this journey, I have been hoping that I was close to getting over the hump, but instead I keep running into disappointment and an abundance of God’s grace. I have been through many difficult times in my life, but I must admit this has been the most difficult because of the continual uncertainty. I have never been more conscious of my beating heart than I have over the past 15 months. How fast is it beating? Is it still in rhythm? Again, I am hopeful the last ablation ends the arrhythmia, but even if it doesn’t, I know the Lord’s grace will be sufficient for me to keep moving forward in my life.

My heart has been troubled all my life and much of that time, I didn’t know it. Even after I thought it was fixed, more trouble awaited. What I realize is that we all have troubled hearts because we are sinners. Yet, we may be unaware of how troubled they really are. Many of us Christians think our hearts have returned to normal after we come to follow the Lord. But as has been the case with my physical heart, often there remain troubled areas that are hard to detect. Following Jesus is a journey of transformation. In order to fix our hearts, He has to expose what is hidden there.

While my amyloidosis diagnosis was disheartening, it had to be revealed in order to be treated. It is the same for us spiritually. For us to be healed, the trouble in our hearts needs to be exposed, whether that is pride, greed, bitterness, unforgiveness, just to name a few.  Our prayer needs to be similar to that of David: “Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24).

The Great Physician is also the Divine Surgeon. He wants to get at the roots of our troubled hearts. He only asks of us to let Him do so.

© Jim Musser 2025 All Scripture references are from the New International Version, 2011.